Your Embrace
by Ahria
Summary: Series of oneshots centered around TsuSoka. It's your basic fluff with just a touch of angst. Please read.
1. Red Sam

Hello, all! This is my first YnM fic, so be gentle. This fic was written for the LiveJournal communtiy, AlbumMix. The fic was inspired by Flyleaf's "Red Sam", the exact line being, "The warmth of your embrace melts my frostbitten spirit..." (No, this is NOT a songfic). Enjoy and please review!

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**Your Embrace**

He sighed as he watched the never changing scenery of Meifu. A gentle breeze drifted over the land, blowing eternally beautiful sakura petals everywhere. The sight had been amazing at first, but had quickly become boring. It had taken him only those first few weeks to learn such a basic truth: nothing perfect could ever be beautiful, because perfection was empty, cold and soulless. Everything Hisoka had always strived to be in life. Even in death, he'd been working for the same things until he'd been partnered with the most useless, childish shinigami in the Ministry of Hades.

No matter how hard he'd tried, he'd found it impossible to reach those goals around Tsuzuki. The violet-eyed man possessed the uncanny ability to unnerve and disarm you before you knew what hit you. Hisoka figured it was the warmth and affection that poured from his partner with every breath he took, but he wasn't really sure.

Right before they'd been sent to Kyoto, Hisoka had come the startling realization that not only could he not reach his goal of perfection around Tsuzuki, but he didn't really want to anymore. In fact, he discovered, all he wanted to do was exist without all the anger, the hate, the sorrow. Maybe even be happy one day… but that was probably too much to ask for. Just existing peacefully would be enough. Of course, he'd known he'd have to kill Muraki before any of that would be possible, but at least it was a plan.

Then, they'd gone to Kyoto and everything had gone to hell. Tsuzuki had started to loose his mind, then he'd been kidnapped my Muraki. After just a few moments of despair, Hisoka had decided that all he had to do was kill Muraki, rescue his partner, and everything would be fine. A small seed of hope had taken root in heart. So he'd fought Oriya with only his goals in mind. Finally, he'd gotten the keys and they'd rushed off to the University. The seed had started to grow at that moment, hope quickly consuming him until they'd reached the underground lab… and then, Tsuzuki hadn't wanted to come back and nothing mattered anymore.

As he watched his partner sitting calmly in Touda's flames, he'd felt his heart stop in his chest, which wasn't really fair, Hisoka had reflected later, because he hadn't even known he was in love. In that instant, he'd known that he couldn't exist without Tsuzuki. He didn't actually remember diving into the flames, couldn't remember anything until he threw himself in the other man's arms.

It was the first time in his life or death that he'd ever been wholly selfish. He sighed again, wistfully now, as he thought of whether or not it had been worth it. He wondered if he should have just died with Tsuzuki.

As soon as they'd returned, Tatsumi had quietly asked him if he'd done the right thing, if his reasons were worth making Tsuzuki live when he didn't want to. It had taken Hisoka a long time to answer. Finally, he'd just scooted closer to Tsuzuki's bed and replied, "I'll make him happy. I won't let him suffer anymore." With a nod, the secretary had left.

Hisoka wondered now if he was keeping his word. Ever since they'd returned from that underground lad, Tsuzuki had been hiding his emotions. In fact, the only things he felt from his partner were carefully filtered and impossibly shallow. No matter how much he wanted, he just couldn't push the violet-eyed man into explaining himself.

Besides, Tsuzuki probably didn't want him to know how unhappy he was. The blonde sighed for the third time, still wondering if he'd done the right thing and hating himself for knowing that he wouldn't change it if he could.

"You shouldn't think so hard." Tsuzuki announced cheerfully, catching his partner off guard. Automatically, Hisoka scowled.

"Just because you don't thi-"

"I know, I know." The brunette cut him off gently, placing a hand on the younger man's head. "I don't think at all."

Hisoka frowned at the sadness in Tsuzuki's voice. Despite the physical contact, he could feel almost nothing at all from the man.

"Tsuzuki…" he started hesitantly.

"Hmm…?"

"Did I… never mind." He mumbled quickly.

"Don't do that." The violet-eyed man said softly, running his hand through the blonde's hair. "I want to know what you're thinking."

"Did I… did I do the wrong thing? Was Tatsumi-san right? Should I have… should I have…" He stopped, closed his eyes to keep away the tears. The hand that was still on his head smoothed down his hair and gently cupped his neck. In one quick moment, he'd pulled the younger man into his arms.

"I'll tell you the same thing I told Tatsumi. I'm happy you saved me. I owe you my life. Thank you." He whispered, still running his fingers through the other's hair. "Besides, I want to live just for you, Hisoka. It makes me happy."

All his protests died on his lips and all his guilt seemed to evaporate, so he said nothing and stood still, soaking up Tsuzuki's warmth like a sponge. Obligingly, the violet-eyed man pulled him closer, resting his chin on top of the other's head.

"I'm tired." The blonde muttered after a long moment, not moving from where he stood. Tsuzuki smiled softly into his partner's hair.

"Then I should take you home."

"Yeah," came Hisoka's murmured response. "Let's go home."

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Thanks for reading and PLEASE review!! I'll love you forever if you do...


	2. So I Thought

AN- Hello everyone! I am back again with another albummix entry. This one is inspired by the song "So I thought" by Flyleaf. The exact lyric that inspired this fic is, "A year goes by  
and I... can't talk about it". Yep, another Tsu/soka moment. Please read and enjoy. Also, I can't think of a good title for this one, so if anyone has any thoughts on that, I'd love to hear it.

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He was going to be late. Again. Hisoka was going to be unhappy about it, as usual. Tsuzuki sighed as he trudged up the steps of the Ministry of Hades. It wasn't his fault that he hadn't slept well. He wondered if his partner would relent if he found out about the nightmares that had plagued him until dawn. He frowned at that train of thought, knowing he would never tell Hisoka, even if it would ease the younger man's annoyance. He refused to burden anyone else with his pain ever again, especially someone that he cared so much about.

He paused down the hall form his office, strengthening all his mental shields and adding a few more. When that task was finished, he took several deep breaths, trying to force his body and mind to calm themselves. Plastering a cheerful grin onto his face, he entered his office.

"Good morning, Hisoka!" he exclaimed happily, taking a seat at his desk.

"You're late again!" came the response.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry! You see, I was on my way, and-"

"Save it. All your excuses are the same. Just start your paperwork from yesterday."

"But it's soooooo boring." He whined pitifully. At the younger man's glare, Tsuzuki obediently opened a drawer to find a pen. Sitting in his drawer were two, delicious-looking doughnuts. Ridiculously touched, Tsuzuki looked up to meet his partner's eyes, a genuine smile lighting his features.

"Sankyou, Hisoka!" he exclaimed happily. Quickly, Hisoka looked away.

"I just didn't want to hear you complain all day about not getting any." The younger man muttered, fighting the blush that crept onto his cheeks. Still grinning, the violet-eyed Shinigami began his paperwork.

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An hour passed in relative silence (excluding the explosion in Watari's lab). The sound of Tsuzuki's writing became slower and slower. When it stopped all together, Hisoka looked up, ready to berate his partner's work ethic. His complaints died on his tongue when we caught the look on the other man's face. The usual cheerful façade was gone, replaced with pain and sorrow. Anger filled the eternal-teenager when he realized he couldn't feel the emotions that played over his partner's face.

"Why are you shielding yourself from me?" Hisoka demanded, getting to his feet.

"I'm not." Tsuzuki lied with a smile, every hint of negative emotion hidden away in an instant.

"Don't lie to me." The empath snapped, reaching for the other man's arm. Without thinking, Tsuzuki threw himself backwards, out of reach. He knew that despite all his shields, Hisoka would be able to see the truth if he touched him.

"Hisoka-"

"Why don't you trust me?" the younger man asked quietly, standing still.

"I do." Tsuzuki insisted quickly.

"Stop lying to me." Hisoka growled, hands starting to shake in anger. "I just thought that after last year… that after Kyoto, things would be different."

"They are different." The other man began. "I do trust you, I just…" he stopped, trying desperately to find the right words.

"Then why won't you tell me what's wrong with you?"

"Because I love you too much." Tsuzuki answered simply, sitting back down at his desk.

"Or not enough." Hisoka replied and left the office.

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Hisoka didn't return to the office for the rest of the day. After waiting for more then an hour, Tsuzuki had gone out to look for his partner. Hours passed as the violet-eyed shinigami searched everywhere he could think of. As the sun went down, he finally gave up and retreated back to Hisoka's home. Sighing heavily, he took a seat on the doorstep and settled in to wait.

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Hisoka stumbled up the walk of his house late that night; he wasn't quite sure what time. He'd gong down to the human world, hoping the sheer weight of human emotion would overwhelm his own feelings of anger, hurt and betrayal. He hadn't cared what he felt, as long as it was nothing of his own. The plan had worked so well that now he could barely function.

In fact, he didn't even notice Tsuzuki until he walked into him. Before he could react, his partner's arms gently enveloped him.

"I was worried." The violet-eyed man said softly.

"Let go of me." Hisoka demanded, not having the energy to push the other man away.

"You went to the human world, didn't you?" Tsuzuki asked as he released him.

"What does it matter to you?" the eternal-teenager growled as he tried to push pass his partner. The movement, combined with the turbulence of his night, was finally too much. As he fell unconscious, Tsuzuki caught him effortlessly.

After transporting them to Hisoka's bedroom, he held the younger man close for a long moment before laying him on the bed. Gently, he removed his partner's shoes, socks and jacket, then tucked him into bed. With a sigh, Tsuzuki sat on the floor against the bed and settled in to wait.

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Hisoka knew this place; loathed this place. The night was cool; a quick burst of wind had blown the sakura petals into a frenzy. The bloody, bloody moon loomed overhead, serving as another reminder of what was to come. Suddenly, Muraki was above him and all there was, was pain.

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He awoke screaming, pain still burning through his body. An instant later, he was scooped off the bed and pulled into Tsuzuki's lap. Warmth flooded through him, chasing away the last visages of the nightmare. Hisoka knew that he should push his partner away, but just couldn't find the strength. Instead, he buried his face in the other man's shoulder and soaked in the comfort offered.

"I want you to treat me as an equal. I don't need to be protected from everything." The younger man mumbled. Tsuzuki thought about pretending he hadn't heard, but quickly decided against it.

"But I-" he began. Hisoka pulled back and looked him the eyes, cutting him off.

"And I especially don't need to be protected from you." He snapped. Tsuzuki leaned foreword until his forehead rested against his partner's.

"I'm just not ready yet, 'Soka. I'm sorry. I just can't talk about it." He whispered. He felt Hisoka sigh and braced himself for the younger man to pull away. Instead, Hisoka wrapped his arms around partner and pulled him closer.

"I'm going to be by your side forever, Tsuzuki. I'll be here when you are ready."

So many emotions began to roll off Tsuzuki that Hisoka nearly lost his balance. Relief, joy, love… and last was fear, still lurking in the background of Tsuzuki's heart. Tightening his grip, Hisoka sighed, because he knew there was nothing that he could do about that fear. Only time would erase it from his partner's soul.

"Can I stay here tonight?" Tsuzuki asked quietly as he released the eternal-teenager. Yawning, Hisoka climbed into bad and held up the covers.

"Come on then. I'm tired now."

Smiling, Tsuzuki eased under the blankets and once again pulled his partner close.

"Good night, Hisoka."

"'Night." Came the murmured reply.

**The End**

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So, what did you all think? Please tell me by reviewing. Should I keep writing Tsu/soka? Should I give it up? Thanks for reading.


	3. I'm So Sick

AN- I return with a sort-of sequel to chapter two. This story was inspired by Imina's request.

Beware of rampant OOCness (sorry).

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Theme: "I will break into your thoughts-With what's written on my heart."

Tsuzuki shot out of bed with an anguished cry. He was across the room and flipping on the light before he could think about it. (The light always helped chase away the bloody images.) With a shaky sigh, he leaned against the door and slid down to sit on the floor. It seemed he'd shredded his bedding again and it made him glad he'd bought a spare sheet set earlier that week.

The violet-eyed shinigami knew he should get up and take care of the bed but he couldn't bring himself to move. He was tired of the nightmares. He was tired of the guilt. He was tired of facing both alone. Before he knew it, he was sitting in Hisoka's living room. Tsuzuki sighed, hating his own weakness, because he knew he couldn't leave without seeing his partner for just a moment. He hoped the younger man was sleeping, but knew (with his luck) that that wouldn't be the case. He also knew that he'd annoy (or more likely worry) his partner to no end. But he knew none of those things would stop him because seeing Hisoka always gave him peace.

Silently, Tsuzuki climbed to his feet and drifted down the hall towards the bedroom. Taking a deep breath, he reached for the doorknob. Just before he touched it, the door swung open and he found himself staring into a pair of brilliant emerald eyes.

"I wondered how long you'd be sitting in my living room." Hisoka said quietly as he ushered Tsuzuki into the room. "So, what's wrong?"

For a long moment, the older shinigami studied his partner. There was something determined in Hisoka's eyes and it made Tsuzuki weary. Slowly, he sat on the bed and buried his face in his hands. The younger man sat next him, close enough that their shoulders touched.

"I know you want to tell me… I feel that desire." He said quietly. "And I know you're afraid to. I feel your fear all the time."

"I'm sor-" Tsuzuki began, looking up at him.

"Don't." Hisoka snapped, turning to face him. "I'd know those things even without empathy. Don't interrupt." Tsuzuki nodded mutely. "I can deal with your fear because I know that someday you'll believe that I won't abandon you. But your pain, Tsuzuki, I feel that all the time too, and I… I hate it. I hate it more than anything. More than Muraki, even. And I don't even really know what's hurting you!"

"The past." Tsuzuki whispered. "And the sin of my existence."

"You need absolution, right? Forgiveness? How can you get either if you never tell me?"

"It's unforgivable."

"I don't know how else to help you, Tsuzuki. Because loving you hasn't been enough to stop your pain." The younger man said softly, his eyes never leaving his partner's face. Slowly, Tsuzuki looked up to meet his eyes.

"You love me?" he asked.

"Of course I do, idiot!" Hisoka replied, tone scathing.

"You never told me." Tsuzuki responded, voice full of wonder.

"I thought it was pretty obvious."

"But would you still love me if I wasn't human?" the violet-eyed shinigami mused, gaze slipping away from the eternal-teenager.

"We've already had this conversation and-"

"I mean, if there was real, undeniable proof." Tsuzuki cut him off and Hisoka knew that his answer would affect absolutely everything.

"I wouldn't care if the devil himself told me he fathered you. No matter what, you're the most human person I've ever met."

A moment later, Tsuzuki wrapped Hisoka in a tight hug and buried his face in his hair. The younger man could feel the tide of Tsuzuki's emotions warring against each other. Silence descended upon the room with such absolution that Hisoka was sure he'd lost the battle, but he refused to admit defeat. His mind began to wander then, thinking of anything else he could say.

"I have a lot to tell you." Tsuzuki whispered finally, so softly that the younger man almost missed it.

"I'm listening." Hisoka whispered, pulling his partner closer, a tiny smile on his lips.

END

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AN- Thank you for reading. Please tell me what you thought.

Oh, btw, the chapter titles are the titles of the songs I'm using for the themes. Since a lot of the time I take a lyric out of context, the song names don't really make sense for story titles... but this way I can see which songs I've already done. I'm so lazy. As always, if you can think of a good title for this chapter, please tell me.


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